Fans of the Punch-Drunk Prizefighters have been getting drunk and punching each other in the face late into the night, celebrating the teams first win in the playoff qualification round, a 3-2 thriller against the Annoying Goofs.
It must be noted that the lizardmen have lodged a complaint with league officials, alleging that the Punch-Drunk Prizefighters paid a chaos sorceror to draw down torrential rains starting directly before kickoff, and evaporating precisely before the amateur strip-a-thon half-time show. Lord Chaos was quoted saying the following about the weather: "It was fuggin' black magic! Those mutha-forkers know that lizardmen get sleepy in the cold rain... But it was a damn sunny day before and after our offensive half! We've been robbed! We've been cheated! Although it's not all bad. At least I won 100,000 gold by betting against the Goofs." The Punch-Drunk Prizefighters have not made an official comment, but the team accountant was serreptitiously recorded during a team celebration at the local brothel, saying that the elves could not control the weather, and they made damn sure that no one could trace the payments to the guy who could.
The first half was a complete mud-bowl. Torrential rain nearly flooded the stands and definitely affected the lizard running game as they fumbled the ball over and over again despite their rerolls. Abandoning the forward line, elves swarmed into the back field to pressure the ball carrier. Despite backfield blitzes by angry Saurus that stunned the catchers over and over, the elf blitzers were finally able to isolate the ball and bust "Puny" Pacquiao free to run it in. The Annoying Goofs could not buy a break all half with the exception of an early casualty against a line-elf, caused by the stabbing skills of their rented star Hemlock, and KOing Guida "Tha Cheetah", who would fake unconciousness all game to remain safely in the dugout and start his drinking early. The second PDP touchdown of the half was similar to the first, due to the inability of the lizards to hand off the ball with any reliability. Eventually the superior agility of "Pretzel" Penn overcame the environmental factors and the desperate tackles of the saurus' guarding the ball to run in for a 2-0 score.
The start of the second half, with the weather clearing up, had the lizards pull out their dirty trick. With "One Arm" Armstrong isolated in the elf backfield with the ball, he stumbled into a trampoline trap! Sent flying into the waiting arms of a saurus, he still managed to land on his feet and put the elf passing skills on display as he ducked away from his marker, sprinted around the far side of the formation and tossed a pin-point pass into the middle of the ruck. "Puny" Pacquiao once again busted loose of the encroaching tackles around him and got the third score on turn 2 of the second half.
By this point, casualties were mounting and the elves were getting outnumbered on the pitch. When asked why the apothecary was not on hand to tend to the injured, coach Subhedgehog explained: "WALK IT OFF, WEAKLINGS! Those 'injured' players are pussies. They were faking it because they knew were going to win. Besides, the doc was busy recruiting a new assistant coach/masseuse and a cheerleader/masseuse in his private office. He said he wanted to see them show off their baby-oil skills. On each other. The team's new employees better be smoking hot or I'm going to murder an unnamed apothecary."
With the lack of rain and the burning shame of a 3-0 scoreline urging them on, the lizards put together a good scoring drive quickly and managed to get organized enough to blitz their mid-field kick directly after! The outnumbered elves couldn't stop the co-ordinated attack and gave up another touchdown. The two quick TDs left the game at 3-2 with a couple of phases remaining. The Punch-Drunk Prizefighters brought the ball deep into their end after the kick, taunting the lizardmen as the scaly bastards rushed forward into scoring position and drooled at the ball. Squinting because of the blazing sun, "Pretzel" Penn rushed up and tossed a pass deep to "Puny" Pacquiao. Pacquiao was not out of danger however, as he was the elf-meat in a scaly-leather sandwhich, surrounded by angry future boots and handbags. Despite a crashing blitz and block after block, Pacquiao hung on to the ball to secure the win.
It started off as a what seemed like a lop-sided game, but by the end it was a nail-biter. The Goofs had a bit of a long shot to score on their turn 8, but it wasn't impossible. Fortunately for the Punch-Drunk Prizefighters, the Goofs couldn't get it done and PDP walk away with a berth in the quarter-finals.
