With the Excelsiors called back to Eataine to repel a recent Dark Elf invasion, Head Coach Endycarus signed a temporary contract to coach an obscure collection of Skaven and Goblins called Grudge Match. They played their first match against upcoming Lizardman team Pax Britannia last night. We had the rare opportunity to listen in on the coach's side of a long distance communication with Excelsiors quarterback Kolrith.

"I'm sorry to hear that. That's got to be quite a blow."

"Well, obviously it pales in comparison to defense of the homeland. Anyways, I don't really want to talk about it."

"Ha. No, it's not that they're uncoachable; it's more like they're allergic to the ball."

"Actually, the casualty count was better than your game against the Incredibles last season."

"Yes, of course I realize the difference between an experienced Orc team and a bunch of rookie Lizardmen. I'm just saying..."

"Yeah, I know. It seems like every troll the Excelsiors have ever played against was a genius. Retribution did nothing but drool for most of the game. The stormvermin are good, though. Well, were good, in the case of the dearly departed Vengeance."

"Threw an amazing hit, then tripped over his tail trying to get to another skink. Took a pretty serious concussion, just like you did last season, but he could have had plenty more productive years with the right treatment."

"No, there was no 'setback'. The damned apothecary killed him. On purpose."

"I can't prove it, but I heard him grumbling about all the 'work' it takes to keep a Skaven in game condition once he's had his bell rung once. Next thing I know, there's a smell of cooking coming from the locker room and he walks out with a bowl of some kind of rat soup."

"Yeah, I hope you give those Corsairs the boot quickly. I don't think I can get through two seasons of this."

Hammerburg, Dermany: In a game that was so clearly one sided immediately after the Boots opened the scoring at 1-0, where the Malicious Intent pounded the Boots into the ground for 2 halves and claimed the lead for a score of 2-1 by end game, the Boots managed to wiggle out a tie with 6 players on the field with a little help from their fans. Ernst Redrohm, Das Boots only remaining veteran lineman, has this to say shortly after scoring the game equalizer:

"We were simply getting murdered out there all game. Our team hasn't seen a beating like that since we played the Scandinavian Superstars. Oskar and Alfred knocked out for the game early, Pummels and Storm are day to day, and Mauler taken out in a body bag. It was vicious out there today. But our team never backed down. Big Dolf and Franzie continued to hammer the ball all game despite our squad being reduced to 6 players by games end."

"We made a lot of mistakes in our defensive plays that cost us ground and cost us the game early on. We were up 1-0 straight away, and then what appeared to be a down and out loss of 1-2. If it wasn't for the intervention by our home fans at the end of the game, and the officials rolling the clock back, we would not have been able to tie the match 2-2. Our fans saved us a loss this game and so we thank them."

In the post-game interview when asked what happened during the match, General Jason has this to say:

"They played like bums. Some Dark Elf festival involving polka and beer was going on over the weekend and those guys were all a beer bigger walking into this game. Our positioning was off, our blocks were weak, and as their (Malicious Intent) hits were the complete opposite this began to snowball which left us down 1-2 and half a dozen players left to go by last play."

"What Ernie, Big Dolf, Franzie, Hans, Magda and Ernst did in the final stages of that match was what I'd been looking for all game. Rohmy, Ernie and the fans pull out a tie which clearly should have been a loss. I'm hoping once they sober up a bit more that they remember what went right in the beginning and late stages of the match and try to apply that to the whole game. But in their defence, those pink knuckledusters that the Malicious Intent players were wearing were giving us problems all game. I'm curious if they are regulation."

"Our next match is the Ratpack. I would have liked to have had a larger squad against the Rats, but the Boots will just have to scramble with what we have - which we've been doing all year, and hopefully continue to stay in contention for the Thunderbowl Play-offs."      

Coach Subhedgehog of the Cult of Cthulhu convened a press conference at the ticket booth of the 40 Grinders home stadium, where he was purchasing large lumps of tickets for what he believed was the upcoming match against the Rrinnhasha Rams. "Myself and a few thousand loyal thugs, cut-throats and murderers who know what's on the line are throwing our unequivocal support behind the Rrinnhasha Rams, as we have learned by augury that the Great Old Ones favour them."

The Rrinnhasha Rams final two opponents, 40 Grinders and Grayson's Grunters, stand poised to possibly overtake the Cult of Cthulhu in the C-League standings unless the Rams can secure wins against each of them. When informed that the Rams would likely bump the Cult down in the rankings if they won their last two games, coach Subhedgehog became violently angry. Shouting "SCREW THOSE GUYS ANYWAYS! We'll make sure no one wins!" the coach began attempts to start a riot and break into the stadium.

Book makers are not sure what to do with the news that the Cult of Cthulhu is actively trying to sabotage at least three matches, some of which have already been played. This reporter caught up with Lown Shaarck, notable odds maker, and interviewed him while placing his usual bets on the Vermillion Dread.

"This sort of outside interference is normal just before the playoffs. What we don't know is just how much clout the Cult of Cthulhu really has with fans. They haven't been all that effective on the pitch, but do have a fair amount of money in the treasury to hire hooligans, vandals and ne'er-do-wells."

Coach Subhedgehog, still attempting to lead a mob into the 40 Grinders stadium despite attempts by the stadium staff to inform him that he had missed the match by a few days, was unavailable to comment on Lown Shaarck's remarks. It is expected that the Cult of Cthulhu will put out a league boilerplate standard death threat against him, bringing Lown Shaarck's current total to an unlucky 13 this season alone.

The Cult of Cthulhu held a press conference that was sparsely attended - no doubt due to the mix-up betwen press passes and consent-optional cult recruit badges. Seemingly pleased by the lack of a pressing media scrum, Coach Subhedgehog addressed those in attendance.
"The FN Givers have remained unbeaten until now, but all this will change in week 5, when they face the glorious Cult. All hail Father Cthulhu! Our victory goes to honour your be-tentacled visage!" intoned the coach.

When informed by this reporter that the Cult of Cthulhu's scheduled week 5 match was against the Warp Stone Engineer's "Run, Run! Score, Score!", Subhedgehog responded "Who?" This reporter filled the uncomfortable silence that followed by asking the coach to describe the Cult's plan to deal with the rat-men's mobility. "We shall enact the plan that Man Was Not Meant To Know," whispered Subhedgehog

The press conference was called to a close with a mandatory tasting of Roofie's Sleepy-Timez Adult Beverage®, which this reporter avoided by swallowing his notes and hiding in the bottom of the stadium latrine.

Coach Subhedgehog of the Cult of Cthulhu had a lot of answers (some would say excuses...) regarding the Cult's first loss of their Thunder Bowl history. "We have identified the reason why our players were completely unable to regain their senses during the first three quarters of the match. Apparently a product representative of Roofie's Sleepy-Timez Adult Beverage had gained unauthorized access to our dugout by disguising herself as our half-time sacrifice. Thankfully, our half-time sacrifice pleased the Great Old ones, and they soon roused our fallen. Unfortunately, our half-time sacrifice did not please our dark masters enough, as we failed to secure the win." When asked what changes to stadium security would be enacted, Coach Subhedgehog said they'd "kick the ass of anyone who tried any 'funny business'".The press conference was brought to an abrupt end after Brother Aphoom-Zhah assaulted a reporter, repeatedly bleating "FUNNY BUSINESS!" and cackling with evil glee while force-feeding the hapless newsie's notebook down his throat. In other news, the Cult have generously provided a sponsor for their week 5 opponents, Run, Run! Score, Score! Roofie's Sleep-Timez Adult Beverage will be providing the half-time refreshments for the rat-men. What good sportsmanship!