The Elvz from the Hood opened the season with a win but have lost every match since.  At this rate, they are guaranteed an Underbowl seat and a chance to defend their title as the biggest loser.

After a narrow (2-1) loss to the Short and the Restless, the Elvz bombed their next two matches in 3-1 loses (Aztecas and Ulthuan Lords), and barely showed up at the next two matches with a pair of 3-0 loses (Triple Skulls and Power Slaves).

Furthermore, the Elvz have continued to dispute accusations of doping.  With more and more players missing matches for liver-damage related problems, the team has officially said "there's just a couple players (about 6 to 8 of them) who have alcohol problems and we're working with the players to re-integrate them into a healthy training schedule."

The coach has stated "we remain optimistic that in our remaining matches we will get into the playoffs and we may have a low seed this season, but we're going to win.  No price is to high, we're prepared to face the certain mauling and probable death of every one of our linemen."

- Arch

The Elvz from tha Hood have been playing like it's the off-season still splitting their first two games.  No turn-overs, win one, lose one, and not a single player has advanced.

Game 1 was some hot High Elf on High Elf action.  The Elvz and the Etaine Excelsiors were playing touch-football.  It was a 4-3 victory for the Elvz so lots of playing with the ball for both teams.  Neither side lost an offensive drive despite a couple minor bobbles.  The excitement of the match came when Krafty Kerr scored his 50th career completion!

Game 2 had the Elvz pitted against the Short and the Restless.  Once again, both teams scored on their drives with no upsets, just at a much shorter pace than the Etaine Excelssiors.  Coach archnaaaagle once again forgot that Troll Slayers are total bitches and positioned Tom tha Bomb too close to the line.  Well, into the crowd he went.  The players were not too happy about this screw-up and during the first half injured one troll slayer and Hideous Hugh murdered the other.  Nurgle Crusher kept knocking Hideous Hugh over and Hideous kept getting back up and pounding him right back until he finally got fed up and tombstoned him.  When asked about that fatal tackle at half-time, Hideous said "what goes around is all around!"

Next match will be the recently hobbled Aztecas.  It's looking like it's going to take about 350K to induce the Aztecas onto the pitch.  Several players have started showing a lot of promise in practice so we're anticipating rolling 2 or 3 strength increases at the end of the match :D

- Arch

For Spike! 2009, I coached an Undead team called Doom Doom Doom!  Here's the lineup, and I've included the advances I took:

1. Implode, Mummy - Multiblock
2. Explode, Mummy - Piling On
3. Boom, Wight - Guard
4. Bang, Wight - Guard
5. Dash, Ghoul - Sure Hands
6. Flash, Ghoul
7. Gnash, Ghoul
8. <unfilled>
9. Black Hole, Skeleton
10. Super Nova, Skeleton
11. Earth Quake, Zombie
12. Tsunami, Zombie
13. Hurricane, Zombie

2 Re-rolls, 4 Fan Factor, 2 AC, 1 Cheer leader

Record was 3-3-0 and I scored about 10 casualties.  Of the casualties I suffered, 3 were ghouls and there were 6 others of which 4 regenerated, worked out pretty darned good :D

All the games were pretty close and excellent matches.  I wish I had written down stuff, because I've totally forgotten most of the salient details... A few beers will do that to you.  But here's what I remember.

Game 1 was with Ryan S and his Humans.  What a great match!  Hard fought, tight score, but he cheated like a dirty son-of-a-gun and won by a TD.

Game 2 was Mike M and his Chaos...  A rock 'em sock 'em match and I came out just ahead of him in a real nail-biter.  When that last phase was played, but we both were just glued to the board as the diced bounced around deciding our fate!  Very intense and a great match!

Now I get a bit hazy as to who I played when, but I think I played Damien's Dwarves in game 3.  Those effing Dwarves!   I forgot about their Troll Slayers, specifically Frenzy, so I started a Ghoul too close to the side-line and he got frenzied off the pitch right off the bat ... Boy, I didn't make that mistake twice!  ... Well, at least not intentionally.  The Dwarves fought hard and I think he beat me 3-1 in that match.

Day 2 started out againts Neil's Ogres (maybe) and what a grind-fest that was!  Holy smokes!  Rocking bopping smashing crashing!  The first half was the Ogres drive and they spent all 8 phases grinding up the field for a TD.  The second half we rallied but there was much rocking and socking in the course of doing so.  In the end, the casualties were brutal.  He injured a skeleton (regenerated) and I injured a Snotling ... Apothecaried.  The rest were KOs, but very brutal KOs.

Game 5 would be ... More Dwarves!  This time I was ready for them Troll Slayers... But Cale didn't have any.  That lucky son-of-a-gun managed to score twice with Blockers.  The first time, my Ghoul had just blitzed his ball-carrier and gotten the ball right on my line, so natually, he blitzed that Ghoul with a Blocker and lo and behold!  The ball bounced onto the Blocker, he rolls a six, and then does a go-for-it to get into the end zone!  I mean, what the hell?  So then natually, in the second half, through similar circumstances, a lucky bounce, etc, he runs in the tie-breaking TD with a Blocker.  What the heck?  Did this guy just drive from Alberta, and go straight to the Commissioner's house with a pot of gold?

So finally, game 6 was ... More Dwarves!  There outta be a rule somewheres saying "Fuck Dwarves!  Fuck them in their stupid asses!"  This time it was Chris S.'s Chaos Dwarves.  I was only able to win through cunning strategy.   I stragecially rolled great, or at least not too bad, and cunningly had Chris roll lots of 1s and Skulls.    My cunning strategy worked and we shut-out the Chaos Dwarves.  Hoorah!

Ah, the Undead, so much fun!

Congrats to the various trophy winners and the Spike! 2009 Grand Champion Johnny Mac!  Thanks to all the organizers and the league commissioners a thank you all the great coaches who showed up.  Everyone was a good coach and a great sport!

- Arch

The Elvz from tha Hood went all the way in the Underbowl for a full triple-header.

The first match was against Jihad and there was a lot of inducment cash to bring them in.  At game time, we found out that they had found a Mysterious Old Medicine Man to shore-up their team.  Those humans tried, and they ran around the field generally being a nuissance, but in the end, the Elf steroid program was just too much and we got a solid 4-1 victory.

The second match was against the Hydra Lords, the classic battle of High Elf passing game versus the Dark Elf trickery and running game.  The Hydra Lords came with a whole stack of dirty-tricks stuffed up their sleves.  The Elvz used their most succesful strategy: get luckier than the other team.  Well, it was a nasty battle.  The Elvz pounded the Hydra Lords and by the end of the match, most of the Dark Elves could be found either in the first-aid tent or the penalty box.  It was another solid 4-1 victory for the High Elvs.

With all that time on the pitch in one day, many of the Elvz were really getting the hang of some of the new tricks that they've been practicing.  John von Bomb finally learned to kick the ball *on the pitch*, Gnarly George was going for it without falling over, Clif Crasher was side-stepping around opposing players and on top of all that, Wild Bill was starting to leap over opposing players to bring his bull-strength full-bore on the ball carrier *and* Johnny, famous Johnny who's been holding the front line for two full seasons also joined the Elvz 'roid program beefing up like Sick Sid, Wild Bill, and Hideous Hugh before him.

So we were ready for anything. And "anything" in the Underbowl final was the Moonlight Embrace.   Moonlight Embrace, well, I don't remember what the heck induced them to the pitch, but whatever it was, it was fueled by a violent rage.  They smashed, and they bashed, and the blew the Elvz down.  Johnny suffered a broken jaw, Tom tha Bomb was badly hurt, Jittery Jim a serious concussion, and Sick Sid who had already smashed his left hip against the Darkland Warriors got his right hip smashed.  He'll never move faster than a Zombie again...

If there's one thing Nuffle loves, it's the blood of hard-fighting teams so Elvz purchased victory with gallons of their blood.  It was a long hard grind to a 2-0 shut-out to take the Underbowl victory!

We won!   And it's time to break-out the golf clubs... Or catheters for the likes of Sick Sid.

Happy golfing , everyone!

- Arch

The qualifier game against the Rotten Corps started out in a Blizzard... An ill omen for the Elvz.  But on the very first block, the Beast of Nurgle was knocked out and would remain off the pitch for eventually the whole half. 

The first half went well.  The Elvz played their game, kept it steady, held the ball until phase 6 to open up the scoring.  The Beast remained knocked out, and the Elvz held the Rotten Corps back, but then it started.  First with a casualty and a couple KO.  But then at the half, none of of the KOs game back, but the Beast did.

During the Nurgle's drive they went on to get 7 Elvz off the pitch.  The Elvz did hold them to phase six before they scored, but then at the end of the drive, none of the KOs came back, or rather one did, but Nurgle just put him in the injury box for his troubles.

So with half a team and three phases the Elvz stacked on one side of the pitch and made their push for a regulation victory.  And the weather had finally cleared up.  But the Nurgle just ran them down like dogs.  Without enough players to either cover the ball carrier or get players into the open, the drive went nowhere.

But then came OT... And still, none of the Elvz came back from KO.  But they won the coin toss so they setup again to try to rush the ball in while they still had what few players they did.   And it was close.  They had a bit of luck in that when the Nurgle hit, the ball stayed in play but by now, cleats slick with the blood of their commrades, the Elvz just could not get away from the Nurgle players. 

Even as the Nurgle picked up the ball and trotted it back up the pitch, simple plays to get into defensive positions just weren't working.  They needed a couple more hands on the pitch, and finally a Nurgle pestigor was able to just walk the ball in for the game.

Oh the indignity!   Oh the shame!  Bumped out by the lowest seed in the qualifying round.  Ground do death on the pitch.  I the words of a great player "It's over!  The season is over, the playoffs is over, it's all over! *waa* *waa*" 

- Arch